Our neighborhood had large community mailboxes and my dad would always make me walk down the street to get the mail. One day there were some older kids outside and they started squirting me with water-guns. I got home and told my dad and he asked me to show him where the kids were. When I did he yelled at them saying, “don’t squirt my mail!”

The sad thing is I though he was talking about me, as in male. It wasn’t until years later I realized he didn’t give a crap about me, he was mad his mail got wet.

It’s by far not be the most narcissistic thing my dad did, (that would be beating the shit out of me for not wanting to go to church because it made him look bad). But I think about it often because I want my kids to know they are the most important thing to me, and I never want to say something that would make them think otherwise.

Here you go https://a.co/d/51vzubP

It’s really just a small pinch of salt that comes out

I have a BUG-A-SALT that attached a laser sight on. It can take out a fly from a few feet away. And it makes it fun.

I was in the US Air Force and stationed in England. If someone left their ID out we would hide it or freeze it in a block of ice. Your ID also happens to have your social security number on it. One of my coworkers left her ID on the table and when I grabbed it to go hide it, I noticed her social security number was only a couple of numbers off of mine. The first 8 numbers were completely the same.

For those not from the US, our socials are 9 digits long. The first 5 digits of your social security number indicates the part of the country you were born in. The last 4 digits are assigned from 0001-9999.

It turns out we were born in the same hospital 1 day apart, and met halfway across the globe 20 years later.

He ain’t got nothing on Scott Sterling

The one that drives me insane is using the touchscreen on my Surface:

• Go to a channel’s page
• Click on the video tab
• Scroll through and find the video you want to watch
• Click on the video and YouTube slides to the playlist tab instead of starting the video. Every fucking time.

I’m saving this thread to show to my wife later. She was mortified that I let the cable guy into our house with dirty dishes in the sink. And I’m not talking about an overflowing sink. I’m talking about 2-3 plates and maybe a couple of forks.

Why is Cinderella bad at soccer?

Because she’s always running away from balls

That’s exactly what I was thinking

Living in Idaho that was a daily occurrence.

I was driving from Bakersfield to LA and pulled off the highway to get some gas. It was one of those exit ramps that goes down lower than the highway. I’m sitting at the light waiting to turn left and go under the highway, when a car comes flying off the highway upside down. It is airborne and goes right over top of my car. It hits the ground, slides until it hits the other side of the road and somehow rolls back onto its wheels. It then tries to take off but just crashes into fence and stops. A few moments later a parade of police cars came hauling ass down the exit ramp. I just drove straight back onto the highway and stopped at the next gas station.

I started using Crunchbang because it was so lightweight and ran great on Virtual Box on Windows 7. I stopped using it, when they stopped developing it. I wasn’t aware of ++. I will be installing it this evening.

Hopefully, I did a lot of work in the Texas sun today. I have a huge ass travel mug that I use when working outside, and I filled it and finished it twice.

Did I meet these potatoes before?

What a weekend. We lost Dr. Ruth, Richard Simmons, now Shannen Doherty in less than two days. RIP

Anansi Boys narrated by Lenny Henry

Normally I like it when Neil Gaiman narrates his books, but Lenny Henry does a phenomenal job with the Anansi Boys characters.

I wish my cat would do cute things like that. When she wants to eat she just sits by the door and gives me a death stare. Then if I don’t notice her after a bit she’ll tear around the house like mad while making the fox em noise from Robinhood Men in Tights.

Blue Powerade slushy from Sonic on a hot summer day is the GOAT

I got my son a noise maker that has a built in battery for this same reason. It doesn’t seamlessly switch to battery I’m sure there is one that does.